I hear this all the time. Dads who tell me they struggle to connect with their kids. Hi, I’m Niro from Family Focused Fathers, and in this video I want to give you three strategies on how you can connect more deeply with your kids and have a better relationship with them, even if you struggle for time right now. Stay until the end, because strategy number three, that’s the one most of us dads almost always screw up. So, strategy number one, give your kids your full, undivided attention when you’re with them. You see, as a dad, you probably have all sorts of responsibilities. You probably struggle to spend enough time with your kids and you can’t just go ahead and just all of a sudden manufacture extra time to spend with your children. But what you can do is you can maximize the time you do spend with your kids by giving them your total, undivided attention.
So, don’t look at your phone when you’re watching a soccer game or their netball game. Don’t stay on your phone or be thinking about work when you’re supposed to be playing with your kids or you’re on father-child time, father-son time, father-daughter time, whichever it is for you. Kids can feel it. Kids know when they have 100% of your attention, and they also know when they only have 99.9% of your attention. It’s this gift that kids have; we can’t fool them. So, give your kids your total, undivided attention & focus when you’re with them. That’s number one: Attention. Number 2: Take a keen interest in what your kids are interested in. Think about this. The people in your life… Who are the people who you find it easiest to talk to? I can always guarantee it’s the people who you know are interested in the same things you are interested in.
Well, the same is true for kids. If we want our kids to talk to us, if we want our kids to open up to us, it all begins by first taking an interest in what they’re interested in, no matter how trivial. So, get to know what cartoons they’re watching, get to know what their current interests are, what their favoritemusic artists are. Get to know and be interested in what they’re interested in. Why? It’s because when you take an interest in what your kids are interested in, when you find or when you convey to them that what they are interested in is important to you, they then feel that they are important to you. But when you fail to take an active interest in what they’re interested in, when you fail to convey the message that what they’re interested in is important to you, you unintentionally convey the message that they are not important enough to you. So, get interested in what your kids are interested in.
Number three. This is a strategy, as I said at the start, that almost all of us dads screw up, and it’s this: the strategy of appreciation. Don’t expect your kids to know how proud you are of them. Don’t expect your kids to know how much you love them. They will constantly be looking for evidence that you appreciate them, that you love them, so make sure you take the time to tell them. Tell them how proud you are of them, tell them that you like it when they do something. Focus on the positive. Too many of us dads are guilty of just telling our kids all the wrong things that they do. We think, if we tell them what’s wrong, they can fix it, and then they’ll be fine. But it doesn’t work that way.
A kid yearns for your approval. I’ll repeat that. Our kids yearn for your approval and your appreciation, so be lavish in your praise. That doesn’t mean you just blow smoke up them and just tell them lies. No, you actively look for even small things that you can then praise. It could be something as simple as, “Thank you for getting ready to go to school on time today.” You continually look for ways to tell them how much you appreciate them, because here’s the thing, a kid who doesn’t feel appreciated by his or her father will then start looking everywhere else for appreciation, whether it’s from their friends, from society in general, and you don’t want to raise someone who is going to look outside to society for approval. You want to give them all the approval and appreciation they need.
It’s tough for most of us dads. As I said, this is a strategy almost all of us screw up, but it’s absolutely required. So, that’s the three strategies right there: attention, interest, and appreciation. Practice those three strategies and you will start to see a measurable difference in your relationship with your kids. If you’d like to find out more about how to connect more deeply with your kids, start having an easier and more enjoyable fatherhood, and start being the father you’re capable of being, then go get my new book, Dad, Don’t Quit on Us. You can get it at daddontquit.com. Get that book, and there’s a special introductory offer right now, plus a full money back guarantee, head on over to daddontquit.com to get all the details. Otherwise, let me know below this video what you think about these three strategies.